Realizations

It has been an interesting weekend to say the least, and a lot of realizations. Jason and i went over to visit Michelle(cousin) & Todd and their 2 week old bundle of joy, Jordan Taylor on Saturday afternoon. She is an absolute joy! I think i held her for at least an hour. My motherly instinct started shinning through again! Also, putting her into Jason's arms was a bit touching to me, i mean, looking at him holding the baby and seeing the way he looked at her was just...uh, i can barely put it into words! We had a lot of fun just hanging out with them and talking about all things "baby." Jason might not want to admit it at first, but i think he really enjoyed the baby talks too!

After we FINALLY said our goodbyes, had a hard time leaving her, i can only imagine what it would be like as the parent and do that, we headed back to Marlton to get ready to go out for my friend's birthday dinner/going out night in Philly. During the car ride, all i could think about was how i felt holding Jordan and how much i look forward to being a mom. I am almost 28, so i am really starting to get the itch, no matter how "young" people tell me i am. I am also cognisant of the fact that we may have problems conceiving due to my PCOS issue. So....fast forward about 6 hours....

After going to dinner at El Azteca in Philly, we headed to a bar called Lucy's Hat Shop...we got there and i instantly didn't want to be there. It is funny because years ago i would have blamed this on my anxiety...but i knew just what it was. I wanted to be home, on my couch, cuddled up with a blanket watching TV....I hate to say this because i really did want to enjoy the night with drinks and friends. I have now come to the realization that i no longer like bars. Have i grown up? Am i an old married woman? i dont know, im just over it. I have plenty of friends who are older than me and single and are still enjoying the scene, but i think i have just gotten very comfortable in the lifestyle i have now and i no longer feel comfortable in that element.

This leads to my other realization of why i feel more ready to become a parent. I had one drink at the bar and ended up drinking water the rest of the night, i don't even like the taste of alcohol anymore...wow, guess i really am growing up! I thought back to our earlier hours with little Jordan and thought how much nicer it would be to be home with a precious little miracle rather than getting drinks spilled on me by some drunk....It was nice to see that my husband also feels the same way in a lot of respects...as long as he can have his LAZYboy, haha!!!


Also, good news, im down to 30 mg of Cymbalta, day 4 went well!!! Maybe this will be easier coming off the meds this time around! My doctor would like to keep me on the 30 mg for the month and then he told me i should be able to stop after that...we will see! Jason thinks i am the same person i was when i was on both the 60mg of Cymbalta and the Tripletal. I also have not really felt a change, not having any weird side effects yet. My life has changed so dramatically from what it was 4 years ago, so maybe this is showing me that i really don't need to be on the meds, i can handle my life as-is, this is what i have wanted for a long time now. I have a goal, to get off these meds, and overall be healthier so i can hopefully have a healthy baby!

MORE GOOD NEWS!!!! I have been in school forever and i finally got my confirmation this week that i am DONE!! After a year and a half of being a permanent sub at my school (even though i was teaching for 3 years prior to that), I got both certs in special ed and elementary ed K-5. I am now officially a teacher again!!! The only thing i have to do now is get mentored for 30 weeks from a colleague and i will finally have my standard certification in teaching. It has been a long road with the state and i am just thankful that i persevered and stuck by it. I thank my family, but Nana and my husband most of all for sticking by me with all of this. There was a time when i was about to give up and look for other careers, but their encouragement helped me through!!! It may have taken almost 10 years, but i am done! yay!!!

So....realizations, had a few this weekend!
#1 Do not like bars
#2 Cannot wait to be a mommy!!!
#3 How important it is to spend quality time with my husband! Love this man!!!!


PS/oh and one more...i cant get pregnant too soon, bc my sister is getting married in November and I don't think they allow women in their 9th month of pregnancy to fly...nor would that be wise!!!


to be continued.....

comments/advice are much appreciated :)